strawberry fields forever.

I just don't know what to do with myself

2011-02-07T20:42:00.004Z

Last week, The White Stripes announced they had split up, which didn’t come as a huge shock, but still was difficult news for me to hear.

It all began in 2003, when I was a surly and difficult teenager and caught eye of the Seven Nation Army video on the music video channel. I saved up my pocket money and bought ‘Elephant’, and managed to convince my parents to let me play it in the car on the way home.

The album came with me everywhere, and was particularly well played on our two week holiday to France. In fact, I remember feeling upset at the batteries in my portable CD player running out mid-drive.

It spiraled after that summer, with the purchase of White Blood Cells, and they quickly became a very big part of my teenage years. I loved them and talked about them constantly, and when friends and boyfriends disagreed with my views, it just made me like The White Stripes even more, and the friends and boyfriends even less.

I joined the online forum, The Little Room, which provided me with the company of equally fanatic people, and I started to discover the amount of previous work the band had completed – including the discography of rare vinyl.

During 2004, I collected as much as I could afford – one highlight being my brother purchasing the ‘Merry Christmas from The White Stripes’ vinyl on a very frantic eBay auction. I posted on The Little Room almost every day and eagerly awaited UK tour dates.

I didn’t have long to wait, as I was lucky enough to have a ticket for Glastonbury 2005, which The White Stripes were headlining on the Friday night, coinciding with the release of their album ‘Get Behind Me Satan’. Most of my friends wanted to see Fatboy Slim, but my faithful best friend Sally stood in the mud with me for a good hour in an attempt to get a good view of the Pyramid Stage.

Despite the mud and the rain, and the sheer volume of the crowd, the performance was mesmerising and completely electric. Jack segued song into song, hit after hit, going down to his knees for long guitar solos which usually came back to the riff of ‘I Think I Smell A Rat’, and stepping up behind the marimba. It was over far too quickly, and I could barely sleep that night.

When the band announced a UK tour for the autumn, I didn’t hesitate to wake up early on a Sunday morning to buy tickets on Ticketmaster for their performance in the London Hammersmith Apollo. This took much persuading to my parents, as they would have to drive me there and back, but they had taken note of the pictures covering my wall and agreed.

I remember queuing in the drizzly rain beforehand (with Sally, of course), getting more and more excited about the songs they would play. My excitement escalated as we were finally let in, and I ran to the front of the Apollo, securing us a place dead centre at the barrier. I was surrounded by a much older and rowdier crowd – mainly men – but I didn’t care.

The build up to Jack and Meg coming out was insane; red and white spotlights, tense music, roadies in black and red suits getting screams whenever they appeared to do any soundchecks. When Jack and Meg appeared, the noise was overwhelming, and the setlist they played that night was incredible – it included a ten song encore. By the end I was exhausted but completely elated, and chattered non-stop to my parents on the way home. During AS Level English Language and Literature, I wrote a review of the gig for my coursework.

My contribution to The Little Room continued, which meant that I built up a close friendship with various people around the world. Some of these friendships are still very strong today, and in fact made some of my closest friends – in no particular order; the excellent Will, whom I first met at a gig in Camden, the brilliant Lauren, who I randomly bumped into at Glastonbury in 2007 and have proceeded to bump into ever since, and the lovely Chris, who stayed with me on his visit to England from Toronto. And, not to forget the elusive Cary, who lives in Chicago and occasionally sends me cryptic messages or nostalgic videos of the band. When I went to Toronto in 2009, I hung out with some of the other Torontonians from the board – Ivy, Christina, Fraser, Brian – which was great.

‘Icky Thump’ was the next album the band released, and I wasn’t particularly impressed with it. They had signed to Warner Bros and their reel-to-reel recording days had been replaced with squeaky clean digital mastering. I began to listen to the band less – still returning to Elephant and White Blood Cells, but their music (and the board) had opened my ears to a range of other fantastic music; Animal Collective, for instance. I had tickets to see The White Stripes on their UK tour in 2008, but they cancelled due to Meg’s illness. I was gutted but secretly knew that nothing could top what I had seen under the glorious roof of the Hammersmith Apollo on the 8^th of November, 2005.

In the past year or so, I’ve been reviewing and relistening to albums that hold a lot of memories and nostalgia, and of course The White Stripes have been extremely prominent. On hearing of their split, I immediately listened to all the favourite songs of theirs; Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground, Hypnotise… Although they couldn’t have always been in my CD player, on my walls or in my conversation; they will always have a special place in my life - and if this had happened in 2005, I would be posting this on my LiveJournal.

desert island discs of final year

2010-09-19T15:28:00.014+01:00

I'm ridiculously nostalgic and a lot of this nostalgia is associated with music. I really have phases with songs, whether it be a particular Animal Collective song or an old reggae tune, I will listen to it consistently for a week or two and then move on to something else - but that song will then hold specific memories for me. So I thought I should relive these musical moments and therefore made a playlist of songs from the past 12 months or so (specifically, songs from my final year of university.) They're broken down into months, with specific memories.

SEPTEMBER 2009

The Beatles - Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)
Elbow - Mexican Standoff
Tinariwen - Amassakoul 'N' Ténéré
John Lennon - Beautiful Boy

Returning reluctantly from a summer in Canada. House-sitting with Sara and pressing play on the CD player in the kitchen which led me to discovering Tinariwen. 'Beautiful Boy' is on the list because September was the month that Kitty gave birth to the beautiful Ezra Thomas. According to her, this is the one song that I gave them that stops him crying. Lennon was also crucial to me at this point in time as I began to plan my short film.

OCTOBER 2009

The Beatles - Girl
Bell X1 - Snakes & Snakes
Bell X1 - Alphabet Soup
Bell X1 - Next To You
Bell X1 - West Of Her Spine
Bonobo - Sugar Rhyme
Bonobo - Days To Come

Doesn't look like I ventured out of the 'B' section of my iTunes this month. Again, The Beatles were constantly being played around this time of year because of my film, and October 2009 was also when I visited Abbey Road with Will. The big Bell X1 phase takes me straight back to walking through Winton in the autumn, and kicking leaves on my way home from university. Same with Bonobo, these two tracks were frequently on repeat on my daily commute.

NOVEMBER 2009

The xx - You've Got The Love
Röyksopp - Poor Leno
Zero 7 - Home
Beach House - Master Of None
St. Vincent - Marry Me
Grizzly Bear - Knife
Islands - Tender Torture
Cut Chemist - Thin Line
Nina Simone - Lilac Wine [The Album Leaf remix]
Zero 7 - Swing
Skip James - Devil Got My Woman
Bon Iver - Skinny Love
Low - Point of Disgust
The Antlers - Kettering

Big month here. The Grizzly Bear, St Vincent and Nina Simone tracks were all on repeat after seeing Grizzly Bear and St Vincent at the Barbican at the end of October. On the same day I heard the Nina Simone remix in a shop in Camden. I tried to make Will ask the shop owner who the remix was by but he refused and told me to 'look on the internet.' So I did. The xx track reminds me of the colder parts of the month and walks back from Charminster at night. The Islands track is courtesy of Christopher Chien (you send me over in tender torture/and when it's over it's tender torture.) I had a big Beach House obsession this month, same with Zero 7 - which reminds me of a visit back to Frome. Röyksopp is sort of in here for comedy/xenophobic value as I always played it to annoy my Norwegian housemate. The later part of the month was difficult and saw me saying goodbye to someone very special and escaping to Cornwall (Devil Got My Woman, Skinny Love, Point of Disgust.) I ended the month with seeing The Antlers in the Louisiana in Bristol.

DECEMBER 2009

Dawn Penn - You Don't Love Me
Animal Collective - What Would I Want? Sky
Sufjan Stevens - Casimir Pulaski Day
Micachu - Golden Phone
The Go - Caroline
The Go - You Go Bangin' On
Yeasayer - I Remember
Yeasayer - O.N.E.
Willo Wispa - Lollypop
Lisa Mitchell - Coin Laundry
Museum of Bellas Artes - Who Do You Love
The xx - VCR
DJ Shadow - Six Days
Iron & Wine - Naked As We Came
Iron & Wine - Such Great Heights

An even bigger month (I'm starting to regret this blog post now.) A lot of this post might be lyrics as it'll probably sum December up better than my ramblings can. Almost half of my memorable tracks are from train journeys, and Dawn Penn is definitely on that list and reminds me of waiting at Westbury train station. Animal Collective was a big, big song of the month for me; "I should be floating/but I'm weighted by thinking." Sufjan Stevens - Casimir Pulaski Day has always been special and comes back round lots; "on the floor at the great divide, with my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied." Mmm, Sufjan. The Go reminds me of talking to TJ in Detroit and him being amazed at my accent, particularly whilst reading Beatles lyrics. Willo Wispa was the song I probably heard most in December, thanks to Adam's music video shoot. A stressful but incredibly fun few days - "the world's a bowl of soup; you got some bread?" Other tracks on the list - The xx, DJ Shadow, Iron & Wine just remind me of the temperature dropping and all the snow we had at Christmas/in the run up to the new year.

JANUARY 2010

Lee "Scratch" Perry & The Upsetters - Tell Me Something Good
Lee "Scratch" Perry & The Upsetters - Huzza A Hana
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home
Moby - In This World
Toro Y Moi - Blessa
The Nextmen - Round Of Applause
Andrew Bird's Bowl of Fire - Glass Figurine
Nouvelle Vague - Too Drunk To Fuck
The Nextmen - Turn It Up a Little

2010 kicked off with a reggae phase for me, thanks to Adam recommending Lee 'Scratch' Perry via Spotify. Adam's other recommendations also pop up later in the list, with Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros, which is a bloody epic song; "home is wherever I'm with you." Lovely. January also saw a phase of listening to Nouvelle Vague after Chris talked about how much he'd listened to them. My 'train' song of this month was the Moby track. The Nextmen tracks remind me of late night cooking in my house in Bournemouth.

FEBRUARY 2010

Wu Tang Vs The Beatles - R.E.C. Room
Wu Tang Vs The Beatles - Mighty Healthy
Blur - Coffee & TV
Fever Ray - When I Grow Up
Peter Bjorn and John - Paris 2004
M.I.A. - Space Odyssey
Joanna Newsom - Good Intentions Paving Company
Joanna Newsom - Soft As Chalk
Jónsi - Boy Lilikoi

The Wu Tang Vs The Beatles album got a lot of plays in February, and a bloody good album it is too. The Blur, Peter Bjorn and John, Fever Ray and M.I.A. ("my lines are down and you can't call me/as I float around in space odyssey") tracks all remind me of walking to Dan's house in the evening to organise our Belarus trip and sort out our visas. On an unrelated note, the Blur lyrics "sociability; it's hard enough for me, take me away from this big bad world and agree to marry me" are really rather good. The Fever Ray lyrics "I'm very good with plants, when my friends are away they let me keep the soil moist" are just quite odd. February was a good month to get reacquainted with the wonderful Joanna Newsom and her new material, and the Jónsi track reminds me of spring emerging.

MARCH 2010

Coldcut - True Skool
Imogen Heap - Hide & Seek [Roksonix Dubstep Remix]
Junior Boys - Dull To Pause
Skream - Check-It
Belle & Sebastian - Funny Little Frog
Tobacco - Fresh Hex [Feat. Beck]
Dert - Funky New World
Dert - The Anchor Beat

The dancier, upbeat tracks from this month hail back to a night in Frome in which everyone played DJ on YouTube. Junior Boys were introduced to me by Becci, and remind me of early evenings trying to write my dissertation in the library - the same goes for the Dert and Skream tracks, I listened to a lot of dubstep and remixes whilst I garbled out a few thousand words before I went to Belarus. Belle & Sebastian is just rather lovely and remind me of walking to unlock my bike. Not much can be said about the Tobacco track - it's only a minute and a half long, so it got even more plays than a track of an average length.

APRIL 2010

Gorillaz - Superfast Jellyfish [Ft. Gruff Rhys & De La Soul]
Gorillaz - Empire Ants [Ft. Little Dragon]
Radiohead - A Wolf at the Door. (It Girl. Rag Doll.)
Aloe Blacc - I Need A Dollar

A big album for me in April was Gorillaz - Plastic Beach, introduced to me in the car on the way to London by John, during one of the Ginkgo shoots. I think it may have been during this trip that we accidentally drove down Oxford Street - "I don't see any other cars, just buses." Thanks, sat nav. The Radiohead track strangely got a lot of plays (and I say strange because it's not one of Radiohead's more popular ones) but I danced around the kitchen to it a lot when I was home for Easter. Then, holy shit! Aloe Blacc! Definitely the most played track of my past year - my housemates will vouch for that - I just absolutely fell in love with it.

MAY 2010

She & Him - Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?
Joanna Newsom - Baby Birch
Sleigh Bells - Rill Rill
Kid Cudi - Pursuit Of Happiness (Feat. MGMT & Ratatat)
MXWL - Eleanor Rigby
Ed Solo and Skool of Thought - Got It Like That

May was the 'light at the end of the tunnel' month as the piles of university work started to disappear. Oh, with the exception of Baby Birch by Joanna Newsom, which is actually a song about abortion. Not so uplifting, but beautifully played at the Royal Festival Hall performance. She & Him was played a lot, coinciding with seeing them at the Shepherds Bush Empire, and enjoying the accompanying video when I probably should have been writing my production analysis. The Beatles dubstep remix and Ed Solo remind me of getting ready to finally go out and enjoy having a social life again, and The Pursuit of Happiness by Kid Cudi sums up driving to go and bind my dissertation with Jo.

JUNE 2010

The Beatles - Twist And Shout
The Kinks - Lola
Bob Marley & The Wailers - Redemption Song
Bob Marley & The Wailers - Satisfy My Soul
Bob Marley & The Wailers - Is This Love
Massive Attack - Unfinished Sympathy
Mumford & Sons - Little Lion Man
Kulture - Babylon
Faithless - Mass Destruction
Derrick Harriott - Let Me Down Easy
Marcia Aitken - I'm Still In Love
First Aid Kit - Our Own Pretty Ways
Mayer Hawthorne - Maybe So, Maybe No

June! What a funny old month. Probably the best of 2010, as it had a multitude of highs (BATVAs, Summer Ball, Glastonbury) but there's always the lows of coming back to normal life. This was also a month where I it started to sink in that I was leaving Bournemouth and that there would be no more university life - I'm still getting my head around that... Twist and Shout and Lola were both thoroughly enjoyed and danced to after the BATVAs in the party flat of 217, Bob Marley was played the following morning as we sat on the rooftop hungover in the sun. The Massive Attack, First Aid Kit and Mumford & Sons tracks were definitely for the 'lows' of the month (but let's not turn this into a LiveJournal entry.) Derrick Harriott and Marcia Aitken are two tracks from Jonny Greenwood's reggae compilation that I often listened to in the shower, which competed with the shouting of the Portugese garage next door. Faithless is my Glastonbury track, Kulture reminds me of a birthday BBQ in Winton, and Mayer Hawthorne is one of those songs that manages to be happy and sad at the same time - which sums June up perfectly, if you ask me.

JULY 2010

Desmond Dekker - 007 Shanty Town
Desmond Dekker - Israelites
Blue Boy - Remember Me
Donae'o - I
First Aid Kit - Tangerine
Zion I - Coastin'
M.I.A. - It Takes A Muscle
Ladysmith Black Mambazo - How Long
Spacemen 3 - So Hot (Wash Away All of My Tears)
Bob Dylan - Don't Think Twice, It's All Right
Billy Paul - Don't Think Twice, It's All Right
Fashawn - Samsonite Man

The final month of university, where we got our results and said our goodbyes. Quite similar to June. A lot of the tracks on this list are ones that were played at Jo's house as we drank our 2.1s away. Desmond Dekker was also played a lot in Jo's car as we cruised around in the sun. This was the month where I discovered Ladysmith Black Mambazo, and Adam's Spotify recommendations this month cover the last three tracks (original, cover, and remix.) The other tracks (First Aid Kit, Spacemen 3) are for the LiveJournal moments of the month.

C'est fini.

the only one talking now, is my alphabet soup

2010-09-11T01:51:00.002+01:00

London is hard and there are so many things that I miss. I’ve always been over-nostalgic about everything. If it’s not Toronto, then it’s Bournemouth, if it’s not Bournemouth then it’s Frome and the days of college. Right now I miss it all – I miss the security, and I miss the routine because this is the first time in my life I’ve truly been independent and it’s pretty fucking scary. It’s crazy to think that I could miss final year when at the time I couldn’t stop complaining about how stressful it was. But it’s true. I miss the autumn days in Winton, walking back from uni and listening to Bell x1 – ‘the only one talking now, is my alphabet soup’, and buying food from Waitrose or Lidl (depending on how much of my overdraft was left), cooking at home and turning the heater on, spending hours and hours pouring over my work. I miss the nights out with all the friends nearby, the long shoots where everyone became family, and the walks by the beach. I find it so hard to adjust to change and to know that I will never be back there in those circumstances. London has been strange. I sit on the train to Charing Cross and everytime it crosses the bridge I can’t quite believe that I live here now and that so much is at my doorstep. But when the evening draws nearer, I sit in my £411-a-month room in SE13, and I feel a little anxious. Do I really want to be here, is this really what I want. Sometimes the sounds of the train passing through in the early hours are comforting, and sometimes it’s the most unnerving thing I’ve ever heard, and I crave suburban Bournemouth or the Somerset countryside. Graduating is a funny thing, I don’t think I expected to have my dream job straight away but at the same time I can’t quite believe I have a degree that I’m not using. Those weeks of June and July seem so distant now, but they were probably the hardest and most challenging weeks I’ve had. It takes a lot to put your heart and your suitcase in one place, and then pack it all up a year later. I don’t think I’ll ever quite get the hang of it. In the back of my mind I know that I will belong here, eventually.

Belarus diary pt. I

2010-07-17T14:34:00.004+01:00

So back in March I spent a week in Belarus filming a documentary for CCLL (Chernobyl Children's Life Line.) I wrote a diary about it all but only just got around to doing anything with it. Here is the first few days:

24/03/10, 9pm

Arrived in Minsk, and the first thing we saw were snow and pine forests – exactly how I imagined. We (David, Dan and I) stepped off the plane on to the runway and were sternly greeted by Belarusians in fur-trimmed uniforms, who ushered us on to a bus which took us to the airport terminal. Passport check and filling out the immigration card was a little daunting. The airport is minimal and everything was closed. Alexi met us with the minibus and we travelled to Zhdanovichi – a centre of rehabilitation for children from troubled backgrounds. The long road from the airport into the city goes through barren land; the only decoration is billboards with large Cyrillic writing. Minsk is quite grand and strange – lots of Christmas lights. It took about half an hour to reach Zhdanovichi, and I tried to take everything in on the journey – the universities, academies, military buildings – whilst Alexi told us about national service. We arrived at the barrier of Zhdanovichi and stepped out of the minibus. Four policemen stood outside their vehicle, smoking; their fur hats silhouetted against the glow of the street lamp. They moved on without acknowledging us, and Alexi showed us to our rooms, which are larger than I expected. We said goodbye to Alexi, and Svetlana, the lady who works in the reception area, escorted us to the dining building. We tried to navigate our way there without slipping on the ice in the dark, whilst keeping up with her quick pace. We were met by two ladies who were clearly keen to go home – presenting us with our food and showing us how to turn the lights off. I quickly realised that being vegetarian is almost impossible – the starter was bread, cucumber, cheese and salami, and the main was fish and mashed potato. We discussed how the fish is probably from the local lake or river. A boiled kettle was given to us – David asked for coffee and the two ladies shook their heads – I poured it to discover there was already tea (chai) in there. Not the best. We thought about heading to the local bar but decided it was too much hassle given the language barrier, and headed back to our rooms for the night. I discovered I’ve left my phone charger at home and suddenly feel quite disconnected and isolated. My phone’s battery icon is blinking solemnly. I’m aware I’m experiencing culture shock, and am thinking about how much the décor of the room reminds me of The Shining, whilst the sounds of Belarusian children running and shouting echo around the corridor. Tomorrow we head to Lapitchi and then Osipovichi – but now, sleep.

25/03/10, 7am

Last night was one of the longest nights of my life, although granted we did go to bed early. I soon realised that I had caught a kidney infection from being dehydrated (bottled water wasn’t available at Zhdanovichi, and I hadn’t drunk anything since being on the plane.) I had a deep sinking feeling as the fever spiked around my arms and up my back, and tried to stay calm, and went to Dan’s room to explain the problem. I ended up sleeping in his room as I knew I would feel calmer than being in my room alone. My feverish dreams were filled with various attempts of trying to obtain antibiotics – from phoning the NHS, to emailing friends and relatives telling them to post some, and even to texting Barack Obama – not sure where that one came from. I woke up frequently during the night feeling somewhat delirious, but from having kidney infections before, I knew that the nights were the worst, and that I need antibiotics as soon as possible. I’m hoping that Alexi will be able to help me find a doctor or pharmacy today before we set off on our journey. I’m also petrified as I’m terrified of falling ill in an unknown country. I moved back down the dim corridor to my room, hearing the flickers of Belarusian television and seeing two boys quietly sit staring at the screen. Wondering how the day will unfold.

Wish I had the following: antibiotics, bottled water, my own bed, phone charger, the ability to speak fluent Belarusian/Russian.

25/03/10, 6pm

We went to the dining hall for breakfast, and were served with what looked like uncooked frankfurter sausages, a pile of barley (that David said was for detoxing purposes) and cucumber. I stuck with green tea and bread. David was sure that I would be able to get antibiotics from a pharmacy and this was confirmed by Alexi, who met us after we had eaten. We looked over the lake, that was frozen over a metre deep, and left Zhdanovichi. Alexi was very kind and helpful and accompanied me to the pharmacy, translating my symptoms to the lady behind the counter. The pharmacy itself had many glass panels and various Russian medicines on display. The antibiotics cost 9600 roubles (approximately £2 – 4400 roubles to the pound.) I only had US dollars from the bureau de change at Gatwick (Belarus deals in both), so Alexi paid for them and then took us to the bank to change our dollars into roubles. Next, we went to the supermarket and stocked up on bottled water and juice, and purchased some bread and crisps (avoiding the caviar flavoured sort) and were persuaded to buy ‘sweet bread’ by the woman at the bakery. We split into two vehicles – Alexi leading the way with Dan driving the minibus to Jornokov school, near Lapitchi.

We were met by Nikolai, the headmaster. Children’s faces were pressed against the window as we approached the school. Nikolai welcomed us into his office, and we filmed a brief interview with him, with Alexi interpreting. Nikolai was obviously proud of his school, his country, and was pleased to have us there. He showed us around the school – various classrooms, the canteen and stage, the sports hall with climbing equipment, the gym area. In one classroom of young children, age 6/7, he presented us to them wearing some national dress of woven wicker hats. He also put the hats on us and we had pictures taken. At this point I showed the children the camera, and they smiled and laughed at themselves on the monitor screen. In the next classroom, the teacher played accordion whilst the children stood in a line singing traditional Belarusian songs. Both classes of children were charming, and are memories that will stay with me. After the tour of the school, we retreated back to Nikolai’s office, where a table of afternoon tea had been prepared for us. We sat and chatted, and both Alexi and Nikolai were impressed that I had remembered a song taught to me by the Belarusian children that I took care of in 2003 in Oakfield. Nikolai gave me a hand-woven bookmark and a box of chocolates, and also presented us with a book about Belarus – something that is published and distributed by the government for schoolchildren. Following afternoon tea, we filmed pick-up shots and cutaways around the classrooms and of the buildings from outside. We said goodbye to Nikolai and headed to the village of Lapitchi, which CCLL (Chernobyl Children’s Life Line) have had a large contribution to developing. Our first stop was the laundry room, then the well, then the church – which was very beautiful. The priest, Alex, met us with his wife and daughter, and we filmed a brief interview with him in which he discussed the church’s importance and effect on the community. He presented David with an Orthodox gift; a framed image of the Virgin Mary, and invited us to light candles. We then visited the hospital – various rooms such as an injection area, dentists office and different wards. One of the women showing us around has many gold-plated teeth which was apparently quite popular in the Soviet times. Alexi drove us to the edge of the river, after saying goodbye to the women in the laundry. It was here that we stumbled upon (or rather, were stumbled upon) an older woman – probably in her 60s, who at first approached Dan and I, then realising we couldn’t understand her, spoke to Alexi. He translated – “she is moaning about her life – she walks 6km to the next village everyday to work, and she is not getting paid.” From talking further with her, it unfolded that she did not have a Belarusian passport – hers is from the Soviet Union times, and there is no record of her spending four years in prison, and therefore she is not recognised as a citizen of Belarus. After a lot of talking, she moved on – much to Alexi’s relief – and we continued our journey to Osipovichi.

Alexi checked us in at the hotel which was a lengthy process as he translated our details on to the forms. Belarus has a strange system in which one must register within 24 hours of arriving – which we did in Zhdanovichi – but you must re-register in every new destination that you stay a night in. Alexi informed the local café that I was vegetarian and then left us to return to Minsk – leaving us with directions and maps in preparation for tomorrow.

The three of us had a surprisingly pleasant meal at the café, at the unsurprisingly cheap cost of £9. We retired to my room, looking over the footage and photos from the day, sorting currency and sharing ‘sweet bread.’ I am now watching Belarusian TV and hoping that my fever does not return tonight. My anitibiotics seem to be working.

Tomorrow, the 5 hour drive to Bragin awaits us.

P.S. David has the same phone charger as me – another item ticked off the wishlist.

P.P.S. Belarus is a very peculiar country. I have never known somewhere to be so intimidating, alongside being beautiful – and with (mostly) welcoming people.

26/03/10, 6pm

An unforgettable day. We started our journey around 8am, the ‘sweet bread’ from yesterday was our breakfast. I slept for the first couple of hours and the journey was relatively problem-free, with only a couple of mistakes. The first was solved at a petrol station, the second was solved by a wandering drunk homeless man. We arrived at Bragin just before 1pm, and as we approached the town, we were very close to the radioactive ‘Exclusion Zone.’ David told us about the mounds in the ground, which were houses that have been contaminated by the Chernobyl disaster, and had been bulldozed over and covered with soil in an attempt to stop the radioactive isotopes spreading.

On arrival at Bragin we called Anna, our interpreter for this part of the trip, and she came to meet us. Born in Bragin, she was now teaching English at the local school. She was shortly joined by Svetlana, who is our guide and the charity’s link for the Bragin area. We took our things to the hotel, and Anna and Svetlana spent a long time filling out the same forms that Alexi filled out for us the day before.

We made our way to a local village called Burki, about 10km outside of Bragin. Here we were greeted at the local school by another Svetlana, the headmistress, and a pupil at the school, Dima and his sister, Karina, plus their mother. The three were shy around the camera, and we filmed a brief tour of the school. Svetlana then said that we could go back to Dima’s home if we wanted, and Anna explained that they were a very poor family, and that their house could only be reached by foot.

The village was very typical of other villages we had seen so far – wooden farm buildings and people riding on horse and cart. We drove to the end of the village track and left the minibus to go to Dima’s home. We trekked over, and through, mud and ice and marshland. Various poultry ran over the barren land. We met the grandmother of Dima, whose house was on the way. Eventually after 20 minutes, we reached Dima’s home. A rusty gate led us into a muddy yard which housed a small dog on a chain and some rabbits in cages. Upon entering the house, aw e removed our muddy walking boots even though the mother insisted we kept them on. The house was severely rundown and gloomy – the dirty ceiling, the peeling wallpaper and stained crockery made up a kitchen and bedroom area, with a dusty sheet hung up to separate the two. The second room was a lounge area, with paintings by the mother on the walls. We filmed a brief interview with her, in which she revealed that she was a single parent, earning around £27 a month. Her eyes welled with tears as she explained that she didn’t have enough money to make the house nicer. It unfolded that she was an alcoholic, not through the interview but through her slurred speech and the empty bottles in the kitchen, and this is something we had prepared to witness. After the interview, Dima and Karina played with the camera and the mother stepped outside to arrange transport for us back to the village where our minibus was parked. To our surprise, a horse drawn cart pulled up around the corner, being driven by a middle aged man. He invited us on, and we said goodbye to the children as the mother accompanied us back to Burki. It was an amazing journey, and we were able to absorb the surroundings; the painted gates and window frames and the beautiful landscape.

Dima’s mother jumped off just before we returned to where the minibus was parked, and shortly reappeared, clutching a bottle of champagne and boxes of chocolates. She presented them to me, and I was overwhelmed by her generosity, given that she had just revealed her monthly wage – how could I accept? Eventually David did, knowing that refusal of the gift would cause offence. I took two of the stuffed toys from a bag that I had brought from home, and gave them to her for Dima and Karina. We said goodbye, and as I turned to get into the minibus, my eyes filled with tears. We had a quiet journey back to Bragin.

Svetlana had arranged for us to see a local concert in the town centre, which we caught the end of. It was a very surreal experience, especially after the extreme poverty that we had just witnessed. Members of the local community sang – including the lady who worked at our hotel reception. We had a quick break in our rooms before heading to a local family home for dinner. Again, Anna informed us that the family were quite poor and the area they lived in was very similar to council flats in England. Nevertheless, the home and the family were warm and welcoming – parents, daughter-in-law and granddaughter, and two sons. They had set out an amazing table of food - most of which was meat – so I stuck with bread and salad. Vladimir, the head of the family, provided some excellent wine, and Anna did a great job of interpreting all our conversation in which we discussed the differences and similarities between English and Belarusian culture. The mother then sang a Russian song about mothers which made her cry – her own mother is dead, and the whole table ended up singing the Belarusian song which I had learnt in England and already impressed Nikolai and Alexi with. Vladimir gave us old coins from the Soviet Union, and some from the first Belarusian currency. We ended the evening with ‘chai’ and a cold walk back to the hotel under the Belarusian moonlight.

2010-05-04T15:28:00.002+01:00

And I regret how I said to you "Honey, just open your heart", when I've got trouble even opening a honey jar.

And that, right there, is where we are.

New micromix...rather overdue.

2009-11-17T11:52:00.006Z

The Optimist - GZA vs. Tom Waits Round 2
Atlas Sound & Noah Lennox - Walkabout
St. Germain - Rose Rouge
Handsome Boy Modeling School - Metaphysical
Madlib - Indian Hump / David Attenborough - Birds of Paradise
The Beatles - Within You Without You/Tomorrow Never Knows
Bonobo - Days to Come
Nina Simone - Lilac Wine [The Album Leaf remix]
David Bowie - John, I'm Only Dancing
Fatboy Slim - Don't Let The Man Get You Down
"Ooh, my arm" - a speech excerpt from The Beatles live at the BBC

Listen here.

make me somewhere I can call a home.

2009-11-14T12:51:00.004Z

Last weekend I visited a few different homes, and I felt an urge to build my own. These homes included chickens outside, baking inside, The Beatles playing loudly, a warm fire, gorgeous paintings, soft blankets, a family kitchen, rustic furniture, and memories. Mostly memories.

cinemablography

2009-11-14T12:50:00.002Z

Because I needed something else to procrastinate on.

http://cinemablography.tumblr.com/

2009-10-22T02:26:00.003+01:00

In the morning through the window shade
When the light pressed up against your shoulder blade
I could see what you were reading

you'll find me here

2009-08-31T06:44:00.001+01:00

http://alsofrightened.tumblr.com/

I've been downhearted, baby.

2009-07-27T17:22:00.004+01:00

Various Artists - Mambo [West Side Story soundtrack]
Atlas Sound with Panda Bear - Walkabout
A Tribe Called Quest - Can I Kick It
Kid Koala - Moon River
The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - Contender
Primitive Radio Gods - Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in My Hand

listen.

2009-07-09T02:21:00.003+01:00

I feel like I have lots to say, but at the same time, nothing to say at all.

Never mind.

2009-06-18T00:13:00.001+01:00

it's that time of year again

2009-06-13T17:49:00.005+01:00

Glastonbury 2009 - listen

Regina Spektor - Bobbing For Apples
Fleet Foxes - Mykonos
Animal Collective - My Girls
Peter Bjorn and John - Amsterdam
M. Ward - Chinese Translation
Bon Iver - Skinny Love
Easy Star All-Stars - Electioneering
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Black Tongue
Bat For Lashes - Prescilla
Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - There She Goes, My Beautiful World
Blur - Charmless Man

2009-06-02T13:58:00.001+01:00

2009-06-02T03:25:00.002+01:00

"Sometimes you have to go halfway around the world to come full circle."

This tagline for Lost In Translation pretty much sums up my trip to Toronto.

Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea.

2009-06-02T02:05:00.008+01:00

Watched Y Tu Mamá También tonight. I didn't realise it was filmed in the same area of Mexico (Oaxaca) that I went to back in February. It brought back a lot of memories; dusty roads, cheap beer, and eye-opening experiences. I'll never forget the children running alongside the bus or the stray dogs or the abandoned huts with "Medico" painted on.

"Life has its way of teaching us. Life has its way of confusing us. Life has its way of changing us. Life has its way of astonishing us. Life has its way of hurting us. Life has its way of curing us. Life has its way of inspiring us."

I am a bird now.

2009-05-28T02:56:00.004+01:00

So I saw Antony and the Johnsons live tonight at the Hammersmith Apollo. Absolutely incredible. I've no idea how someone can sing like that and still be human. The last song in particular was amazing.

There's a ghost on the horizon
When I go to bed
How can I fall asleep at night
How will I rest my head

"I cry for joy, I cry for relief, I cry for freedom, I cry for nostalgia."

[Antony Hegarty, i-D magazine, no. 295]

who could win a rabbit.

2009-05-21T01:40:00.004+01:00

Been with me since birth.

my sleep pattern is fucked.

2009-05-19T02:23:00.001+01:00

Well it's one in the morning and I can't sleep at night
I hear wolves around the doorstep, they're circling outside
I count them jumping over fences, and landing on the sheet
Now it's two in the morning and I can't fall asleep

It's two in the morning and I can't fall asleep
There's a wind in the willows and it's a-howling down the street
I hear them picking up the garbage, gonna fly it to the moon
Now it's three in the morning, better get some sleeping soon

It's three in the morning, better get some sleeping soon
I've gotta count the numbers in the counselor's room
And if I miss a beat well then it's off with my head
Now it's four in the morning and I'm twisting in my bed

It's four in the morning and im turning in my bed
I wish I had a dream or a nightmare in my head
So I can stop my imagination and get some sleeping done
Now it's five in the morning and I'm wishing it was one

M. Ward - Four Hours In Washington

I'm pretty sure I should be sleeping.

2009-05-18T03:43:00.000+01:00

Oh, the 1940s.

2009-05-17T15:47:00.001+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIP4WY8FhUk

(Embedding is disabled. Can't think why.)

You've got to have a little faith in people.

2009-05-13T23:03:00.000+01:00

Dreamland.

2009-05-13T02:04:00.000+01:00

This should be worth watching.

what would I want sky.

2009-05-10T01:14:00.000+01:00

They stop in the middle of the sidewalk.  Alvy turns
Annie around to face him.

   ALVY
 Hey, listen, listen.

   ANNIE
  What?

   ALVY
 Gimme a kiss.

   ANNIE
  Really?

   ALVY
 Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna
 go home later, right?

   ANNIE
 Yeah.

   ALVY
 And-and uh, there's gonna be all that
 tension.  You know, we never kissed before
 and I'll never know when to make the right
 move or anything.  So we'll kiss now we'll
 get it over with and then we'll go eat. Okay?

   ANNIE
   Oh, all right.

   ALVY
 And we'll digest our food better.

   ANNIE
  Okay.


   ALVY
 Okay?

   ANNIE
 Yeah.

They kiss.

   ALVY
 So now we can digest our food.

They turn and start walking again.

   ANNIE
 We can digest our-

   ALVY
 Okay. Yeah.

whatever bubbles, bubbles up.

2009-04-30T23:36:00.001+01:00

Listen!

Estelle - American Boy [feat. Kanye West]
Kidda - Under The Sun [Herve remix]
Lucas - Lucas With The Lid Off
Lykke Li - Breaking It Up [Punks Jump Up remix]
M.I.A. - Paper Planes
Peter Bjorn and John - Paris 2004
Bob Dylan - I'll Be Your Baby Tonight

In The Aeroplane, Over The Sea.

2009-04-24T23:57:00.001+01:00

So these are songs that I listened to on my flight back from T.O. to England. I think you can guess how I was feeling by listening to it.

Blur - Tender
Devon Sproule - My Baby Just Cares For Me
Animal Collective - Bluish
The Beatles - Strawberry Fields Forever
Final Fantasy - This is the Dream of Win & Regine
Camera Obscura - Country Mile
Adem - Unravel
Fred Astaire - Funny Face

listen.

where did all the money go?

2009-04-19T03:36:00.000+01:00

University education is seriously disheartening me.

I left my heart in Toronto.

2009-04-17T17:18:00.001+01:00

watch this.

2009-04-06T20:33:00.000+01:00

"This astonishing advertisement film made in 1938 for Philips radios, is the work of a brilliant forerunner of animation: George Pal. It uses the puppets from his invention called “Puppetoons”, composed of numerous interchangeable wooden parts and filmed image by image. Months of work for a 5-minute dream in Technicolor!"

Watch it here.

would you always, maybe sometimes, make it easy.

2009-04-03T07:31:00.001+01:00

Sometimes, I feel so small.

I could fill up the lake with all the things I didn't say.

2009-03-25T16:49:00.002Z

I am pleased to announce...a guest micromix! It's just like when Animal Collective made guest micromixes for the Atlas Sound/Deerhunter blog.

William's micromix - The Sinking of God's Dreamed Rhubarb

Gavin Bryars - The Sinking Of The Titantic (Excerpt)
Bob Dylan W/Joan Baez - With God On Our Side
Dreamed Yellow Swans - Garrison (Excerpt)
Aphex Twin - Rhubarb
Beyoncé - If I Were A Boy (Album Version)
Sufjan Stevens - Saul Bellow
The Spiritualaires - Be Ready When He Comes
Predator Vision - Real Aliens (Excerpt)
Akron/Family - Sun Will Shine [Warmth Of The Sunship Version]
Gavin Bryars - The Sinking Of The Titantic (Conclusion)

Enjoy!

desert island discs; or, albums with meaning.

2009-03-23T05:47:00.000Z

So after losing all my music on my hard drive (around 80gb) it was interesting to start rebuilding my collection. Albums that mean a lot to me, albums that remind me of certain periods of my life, and albums that I had lost association with. Especially certain songs, and even certain lyrics.

Animal Collective - Strawberry Jam

"You're only all I see sometimes." [Fireworks]

2007; finishing exams, walking home in the sun, hating university, wandering around Chinatown, secret text messages.

Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion

"This wilderness up in my head." [Lion In A Coma]

Christmas 2008 (this leaked on Christmas Day! And I ducked out of family Monopoly to listen to it.) Arriving in Toronto and listening over and over and over and...

Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago

"It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away." [Re: Stacks]

I had this album on recommendation, without knowing anything about it. I listened to it at the wrong time, but it worked out alright in the end. Still, I tend to avoid listening to this album now as it reminds me of late nights with tired eyes.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

"You look like David Bowie / but you've nothing new to show me." [Over and Over Again (Lost and Found)]

Spending all my time in the photography dark room in 2005.

Devendra Banhart - Rejoicing In The Hands

"And for sure you can sing along." [A Sight To Behold]

My friend burnt this for me when I was 16. It reminds me of revising for exams, and slaving over photography work. The CD stayed in my CD player continuously for several months. I'll always have a soft spot for Devendra.

Feist - Let It Die

"I ain't no vision / I'm the girl who loves you." [Inside and Out]

Christmas 2006. Eating too much chocolate and feeling depressed in January.

Final Fantasy - He Poos Clouds

"We'll press what is left into new." [Song Song Song]

This was played a lot in car journeys about two years ago. Listening to it almost makes me feel sort of car-sick.

Girl Talk - Night Ripper

"Hey girl, how you doin'?" [Once Again]

Whenever I hear the opening track, I'm immediately transported back to a year ago, to seeing it live and the weeks surrounding the gig; trains, confusion, rain, living in university halls.

Interpol - Turn On The Bright Lights

"I had seven faces / thought I knew which one to wear / I'm sick of spending these lonely nights training myself not to care." [NYC]

2004/2005. Plane from New York to London. Long walks and long conversations.

The Libertines - Up The Bracket

"Did you see the stylish kids in the riot?" [Time For Heroes]

This album will forever remind me of being 14 and singing loudly in the garden with my best friend.

Pulp - Different Class

"Your house was very small / with woodchip on the wall / when I came round to call / you didn't notice me at all." [Disco 2000]

This was the first album I truly took interest in. I heard Disco 2000 on the radio when I was 5 years old. The year 2000 seemed a long way away.

Radiohead - Amnesiac

"Release me / release me." [Morning Bell]

Feeling teenage angst, typewriters, goldfish.

Regina Spektor - Mary Ann Meets The Gravediggers, And Other Short Stories

"The National Geographic was being too graphic / when all she had wanted to know was the traffic." [Consequence of Sounds]

I had a big phase with Spektor back in summer '06, on another holiday in France. I even kept my iPod in when I was walking around the supermarche. Long sunny days and drives in the countryside.

The White Stripes - Elephant

"Let's have a ball and a biscuit sugar / and take our sweet little time about it." [Ball and Biscuit]

This was all I listened to on my holiday in France, summer 2003. I got upset when the batteries on my portable CD player ran out.

Why? - Alopecia

"Billy the kid did what he did and he died." [Song of the Sad Assassin]

I listened to this a lot last term and it takes me back to gruelling film shoots and the days getting dark too early and it raining all the time.

Yeasayer - All Hour Cymbals

"It all started with a stumble / and I get old and I get humble." [Sunrise]

May 2008. Trains to London. Waiting on the platform. The bizarre heat wave at the beginning of the month. Walking around like I didn't care, when I really did.

on the sunny side of the street.

2009-03-17T17:20:00.000Z

Today I went for a walk in the city on my own, which happens very rarely. If you know me, you'll know my navigational skills are slim to none. Spring has sprung in Toronto, which feels bizarre after the bitter winter. Nonetheless, it is welcome.

I like this photo. The baby is my nanny, my mum's mum, and the lady holding her is my great-grandma, Josie (my namesake.) I like that you can see my great-grandad's shadow, and that dog looks adorable.

the body breaks.

2009-03-16T07:18:00.000Z

But within the dark
There is a shine
One tiny spark
That's yours and mine

another micromix, etc.

2009-03-14T06:09:00.002Z

A lazy day of tidying, eating and micromixing.

Hey little bird, fly away home.

Kings of Leon - Knocked Up [Lykke Li vs. Rodeo remix]
Bullion - Young Heartache
Cat Power - Fool
Devendra Banhart - Heard Somebody Say
Tom Waits - Jockey Full Of Bourbon
Oui Oui - Les Cailloux
Bob Dylan - Subterranean Homesick Blues
Daedelus - At My Heels
Animal Collective - The Purple Bottle
The Beta Band- Dry The Rain

If I could stay here, I would.

a real good time.

2009-03-13T03:00:00.001Z

I remember watching this video for the first time. I think it was the first ever video I watched on YouTube.

look out, kid.

2009-03-12T04:43:00.001Z

with tired eyes, tired minds, tired souls, we slept

I don't want to go home.

peanut butter on my clothes.

2009-03-11T03:22:00.002Z

I'm not good with words...

fate has a way of showing I'm where you belong

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Modern Romance [secret track]
The Cure - Close To Me
John Lennon - Oh Yoko!
Noah and the Whale - 5 Years Time
Vetiver - Been So Long
Devon Sproule - My Baby Just Cares For Me
Massive Attack - Live With Me
Ben E. King - Stand By Me

There will always be room at my table for you.

2009-03-07T19:39:00.001Z

Listen.

Grizzly Bear - Two Weeks
Wax Tailor - Que Sera
Animal Collective - Lion In A Coma
The Beatles - Strawberry Fields Forever
Four Tet - Everything Is Alright
The Dodos - Walking
Atlas Sound - River Card
Yeasayer - Tightrope
Moby - Porcelain
Tom Waits - Time
Adem - There Will Always Be